Homeschool Pet Peeves

Since this article is about my pet peeves I thought I would lay it out in a question and answer format. For those of you who are not sure what to say when asked the basic questions those most uninformed patrons ask, here are some responses. Not all are proper, or give good social adequate. Not all are in a positive point of view. I find sarcasm can be carried a long way. I didn’t write this to offend or hurt the homeschooling movement. I wrote this as a fun way to express myself when it comes to receiving the same questions over and over…
“Can you do it?”
-“Naw, I was just too lazy to get them to the bus everyday.”
-“No, my Soap comes on around the time I would have to get them from school and I was tired of missing it”
-“OH NO, would if I can’t! I did absolutely no research and had no idea what I was thinking! I will put them back in school first thing in the morning!”
“Does your child want to be home educated?”
-"No, he wants ice cream for breakfast, and no bedtime, so how does he know what's best for him?"
-"Yes, of course he wants to stay home and not go to school and get no homework and have a good life!"
“Don’t you need a teacher’s certificate?”
-“No, the people who do have their credentials aren’t doing their job, in my opinion. Why would I waste my time?”
-“No, I am the professional when it comes to my children.”
-“No, I taught them to walk and talk, I will teach them to read and write.”
-“No, a teacher’s certificate doesn’t teach my children good behaviour, proper socialization, good character development, or confidence.”
-“No, everything I learned that was worth anything in this life was from my parents, I would like to give my children that same quality education.”
-“No, I would like my children to have a quality education that the school can’t give due to poor funding, understaffed, and poor administering of funding.”
-“Oh that’s right, I went to public school and didn’t learn anything. What makes me think a few more years would help?”
(As a side note; I would like to point out that my dearest friend is a teacher and a very good one! It’s usually not the teacher that people have issues with. It’s the system)
“You children have Special Needs wouldn’t it be better if you left that up to the professionals?”
-“Define professional”
-“Your right, I didn’t take care of him up to the point he was old enough for school, the teachers did. What do I know?”
-“I know nothing of my child’s special needs. What was I thinking?”
-“Special Needs? What Special Needs?”
-“Are you saying that they have my child’s best interest at heart, more than I do? Mmm…”
“How do you know they have learned everything they need to know?”
-“Do you remember your timetables, what pie is, or how do basic calculus? The difference between a proposition verb and an adverb?”
-“Do you remember everything you learned in school?”
-“Do you use everything you learned, every detail, in your job right now?”
-“Do you know what your children are learning right now?” (This is a good question because it lets you know if they pay attention to their own child’s homework or if they have children at all)
-“Yes, I do know what they know because I’m there teaching it.” (Some things are just obvious)
-“Oh no, I have no idea! I feel a panic attack coming on!”
Is it Legal?
-‘We have the freedom in Canada to practice our own religion, to learn how we feel is the best way to learn, and to put this into practice.”
-‘I’m not selling cocaine, of course it’s legal.’
-‘Last I checked…’ (This one may get the side head nod, they tilt there head and do the ‘I see’ look)
-“OH NO, I didn’t think to check into that!’
How do you know what grade they are at?
-‘We have no grade levels. My children learn according to whatever level they are at and have never missed anything. They have never had a standardized test or a government test of any kind. My eldest however has had math tests, spelling tests, and a grammar test. Not because I wanted to know if he met the requirements of the ministry of education, but because he requested to be tested.’
-(some physical expression is good for the next answer. Scratch your stomach nonchalantly and do the Jack Sparrow stance) “What level for edumacation? I don’t know what grade I did last, why I got good grammar, ain’t that right honey?’
“How will they get hired at a ‘real’ job?”
-“Define ‘real’”
-“When you applied for a job, did you apply for nursing when you were educated to be a construction worker?”
-“Do you know that one person who got straight A’s in everything but their personality was so bad you wouldn’t hire them? I expect more from my children.”
-“A job? I wasn’t thinking of his future when we made this decision to home educate. Maybe he’ll sit on welfare the rest of his life?”
-“I don’t work, why does he half too?”
“I give you six months before you give up and put them back. If you don’t put them back in school, it’s because you don’t want others to know you failed at it.”
This is a touchy one. I find that these people can’t be reasoned with. There is no point in getting a stubborn person to change their mind. Only time can alter this person’s mindset. But here are some responses anyway…
-“I’ll never put them back now that you said that, just to prove you wrong!”
-“You are right, my goal is to have them fail.”
-“Oh yeah, school is where I want them, that’s why I started this in the first place. DUH!”
I will end with all time favourite question…
“What about their socialization?”
-(do the scratching of your stomach and Jack Sparrow stance and flip out!)
-“What makes you think I can’t teach good social skills! I have good social skills! I know how to hold my temper and I have good self-control!”
-“I thought keeping my children away from drugs, swearing, fighting, and lack of supervision on the play ground was teaching them good social skills.”
-“Oh, I didn’t think of that! We never leave the house. We never go out into the community to do groceries, shop, visit others, or play basketball. We never have company and I don’t know any other homeschoolers to do outings. How will they ever learn???”
-“My children don’t need good social skills. They are going to stay home and home educate when they grow up.”
-“I can see how the public school system taught you good social skills. You must be an authority on the subject." -“Yeah, last week I heard how a home educating family sold drugs during math class, swore at their mother, and brought a gun to their local church and went on a shooting spree.”